THINGS NOT TO SAY/DO DURING SEX

I have to poop.

Smile for the camera.

Get off me, I’ll do it myself.

This is your first time…right?

You’re almost as good as my ex.

When is this suppose to feel good.

I thought YOU had the boys to the handcuffs!!??

I was so horny tonight, I would have taken a sheep horn.

Keep it down, my mother is a light sleeper.

Hey, My hands were right You ARE good!

On second thought, let’s turn the light off.

I’m sobering up and you’re getting ugly!

But everybody looks funny naked.

Do I have to pay for this?

You’re too fat to be on top, you’ll kill me.

What’s your name again

Hold on, let me change the channel.

Uhhuh….I think the condom broke 10 minutes ago.

You woke me up for that?

Sweetheart, did you lock the back door?

My ex-boyfriend/girlfriend did it like this.

Don’t answer your phone.

How long do you think it will take you to come.

Why am I doing all the work?

Perhaps your just out of practice.

You sweat like a pig!

Foreplay is overrated anyway.

Have you ever consider liposuction for that?

What are you planning to make for breakfast?

I have a confession…

I’ll tell you who you’re fantasizing about, if you tell me who you’re fantasizing about.

Could you at least ACT like you’re enjoying it.

How long do you plan to be “ almost there”?

Never watch the game or a show on TV during sex.

Keep it down you’re distracting me.